To Be or NOT To Be... Confident. That is the Question!

WARNING! Do NOT read this article if you believe any of the following things…


  • “I can’t help having low self-confidence!”
  • “Low self-confidence is not my choice!“
  • “I’ve had some terrible things happen in my life that have left me lacking self-confidence, so no one can understand what it’s like, unless they too, have paralyzing, debilitating low self-confidence like me!”
  • “I have no control over this!”

Righto, everybody who believes that they have no power over their lack of self-confidence. Guess what…

You’re right! So there’s no need to read on. I’m truly sorry, but I can’t help you.

As long as you believe that it can’t be fixed… It can’t be fixed! It’s that simple.

BUT… for those of you who believe that there might be a way to feel more confident, who are open to getting rid of this debilitating, negative thought process and who want to feel CONFIDENT, EMPOWERED and STRONG at all times. Guess what… YOU’RE RIGHT!!

Because, if you believe that you have no self-confidence, well, you own that belief. And if you choose to believe that it might be possible… then you can start to create and plan a new, happier future for yourself.

The Blame Game  –  It’s a LOSE/LOSE

For more than 20 years, I’ve worked with Presidents and Prime Ministers, CEO’s, TV and Movie stars, and of course… just regular people like you and me! You see everybody has times when their confidence gets a bashing.

For some people that’s a short term thing, and for others it has gone on for years and years.

But my job is to build their confidence back to where it should be! So, I ask every client the same question…

Who or what is to blame for your lack of confidence?

Some will blame a terrible event, others will blame a person, some will say… “It’s me, I am to blame for this,” or, “I don’t know, I have no idea.”

However, the moment we lay blame on others, we become victims. We experience Shame, worthlessness and dis-empowerment that feeds the feelings of low self-confidence.

Likewise, if we blame ourselves, we become victims. We experience Shame, worthlessness and disempowerment that feeds the feelings of low self-confidence.

And, if we say, “I have absolutely no idea who is to blame.” Well, I call this the monkey on your back, because even thought you know that something is holding you back, you can’t even get a fix on it to fight it. So how can you possibly fix what you can’t see or even name?!

So in reality, asking the question ‘Who is to blame?’ is a pointless exercise because it’s a LOSE – LOSE – LOSE scenario.

The Merry-Go-Round of Negativity and Self-Sabotage

Okay… put your seat belts on… here goes the merry-go-round.

We see someone act in a certain way, use a turn of phrase, look comfortable in their own skin and we say… “Yes… that’s real self-confidence!” We yearn for it, and we wish for it, but we just don’t have it. So that makes us feel less and less about ourselves and it damages our self-confidence even more… here we go again on the merry go-round.

This is called ‘Spiraling-Down’ into negative self thought… so you need to stop and start the process that allows you to spiral back up!

Think about that… What are you really seeing? Self-confidence is not a tangible thing. You can’t touch it or see it because… it’s a construct! A creation of the mind!! It’s a belief system that you hold. And, as with all belief systems, it has the power to create a POSITIVE reality of feelings and emotions for you, or it can create a NEGATIVE reality of feelings and emotions .


Honestly, how many people do you know, who would say that their self-confidence is perfect? Every time? What is the actual reality of what you are seeing in front of you? Is it that someone is comfortable doing what they’re doing? Is it that the person in front of you has rehearsed for days? or has the person created a façade of confidence for themselves? What is self-confidence? What are you really seeing? Don’t presume to believe they have self-confidence, because you don’t really know.

But if you choose to ignore that the person in front of you is probably feeling scared or nervous, then you will hold that person up as a mirror to yourself and say, “I’m not as good as they are”, or “I couldn’t do that”, “They’re more successful than I am”, “They have more confidence than I do”, or “They’re better than I am”.  But ask yourself the question… Why would you do that to yourself??!! This is Self-sabotage. Get OFF this Merry-go-round! NOW!!

Your Negativity Towards Yourself is Rotten Friend

Seriously, if you had a ‘so-called-friend’ who traveled everywhere with you and consistently pointed out your failures…

“He’s so good, you could never be that good”

“She’s so talented, you can’t compare”

“That person looks perfect, you look like a mess…

You’re an idiot, a fool…

You’re just not good enough…

They’re laughing at you….

you’ll never be enough…”

Feel free to add in your own brand of self-sabotaging here!…..

Seriously? Would you happily invite that negative, abusive, passive-aggressive person to spend every day with you?

Would you invite that person to every important event you have?

Of course not! So why would you do it to yourself?!

Listen up. You get a choice! No-one would have self-confidence if they consistently had that negativity in their ear.

Sure, you might need some help to get you onto the right path, and that’s what Re-Pair is designed to do!

Just imagine yourself feeling EMPOWERED and CONFIDENT.

Imagine yourself actually looking forward to doing everything that life brings your way.

Imagine loving the person who lives inside your skin.

Imagine looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, I trust you. I believe in you. I know what you are capable of.

So, let’s make that your belief!

 Beliefs… Fact or Fiction?

If you have a belief about something, it really doesn’t matter if it can be proven or not. Because once you hold it as your belief, it’s true for you and that’s incredibly powerful!

Some of our beliefs are based on how we were raised, some are from our world and life experience, and others are based on other people’s labeling of the world around us and how it works.

But we must be brave and challenge the beliefs that do not serve us… otherwise you are not living our happiest life!!

If building Re-Pair has taught me anything, it’s that lack of self-confidence holds can hold you back from living the life you deserve.

And, even if you’re blessed enough to be living a beautiful life, then low self-confidence WILL hold you back from experiencing the full joy of all of the experiences that rour life hase to offer.

So, ask yourself this question about your self-confidence… When did you give your power away? And when are you going to take it back?!

Today is the Day!

Today is always the best day to start anything. So make today the day that you choose to take back control. This is your boat and you are the captain. This is your movie and you are the director. This is your book and you are the author… use whatever analogy works for you, but make the choice!!! And then find the supports you need to make it your reality.

We’re here to help

Actively say NO to anything that stands in your way, and CHOOSE TO BELIEVE in the greatest asset that you have… YOU!

Look at what happens when you get rid of ‘Who is to blame?’, and instead, make the following statements your daily mantra Who can empower me to feel confident?

  • I am STRONG
  • I will learn to LIKE and LOVE myself


Because, to be or not be confident, that is the question!

And changing your limiting belief systems is the answer.

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